A failure to communicate is at the core of every relational problem. Marriage problems, family difficulties, work stress and more is generally centered around or the outcome of a communication problem. We must begin fixing our relationship problems by fixing our communication woes. Here’s some initial steps:
1. Don’t assume. Many, many, many of the relationship problems that I have counseled with are the result of misunderstanding. One individual assumes what the other one really meant by something. One made a comment and the other misunderstood what they meant or what their real intention was. We focus on supposed intentions. We jump to conclusions. We are judgmental even if we don’t think we are.
2. Lead the conversation. Leading the conversation does not mean dominating the conversation. It does not mean doing all the talking. Leading the conversation is done by asking the key questions or redirecting the conversation back to the topic you wish to cover. This can be done subtly and with few words. It is often best done with a question.
3. Listen, Listen, Listen. A good communicator listens to what others are saying. So often I have been in a conversation where you can tell that the person I have been attempting to talk to is distracted and focused on getting out their next sentence whenever I am talking. Listening involves turning off cell phones, putting away laptops, muting televisions and powering off radios. Focus on what others are actually saying. Work at listening.
4. Compliment. Give compliments to those you are talking with. Compliment their help, their time they have given, their understanding and their interests.
5. Keep emotions in check. Don’t argue. Don’t get mad. Don’t lash out. Don’t call names. Bite your tongue. Don’t let your emotions control your comments and your responses. Stop and think before your speak. Don’t just blurt out what is on your mind. Slow down.